Dear friends,
Today I learned a valuable lesson. It is a lesson a long time coming. We all, always need to be willing to change and bend and flex with the wind. It reminds me of this Folk song from the Quakers that I used to sing in church:
"I will bow and be humble
I will bow and be free
I will bow and be broken
Yea, bend like the willow tree"
Being flexible and adaptable is a survival technique that Lions have trouble grasping. I don't know what other type of personalities out there have these issues, but I am very territorial and I like structure...my OWN structure, that I have created. There is a lot of ego attached to this and so I know that I need to recognize this as the destructive form of pride. This kind of pride and ego is a stumbling block to spiritual growth. I have had difficulty lately letting go of people, places, structures and patterns that are deeply imbedded. I have such a strong desire to travel and see new things and be in new places...but at the same time...how many Lions really leave the Savannah and go off travelling? Unlike Sharks who travel everywhere underwater and explore the vastness of the Liquidy-Blue Ocean, the Lion is territorial, Orderly and Responsible for their subordinates. And in the Lion's world, everyone is a subordinate. So flexing, changing and releasing attachments have been very difficult. A Dear friend recently demonstrated to me that it is possible to have all that we love and desire because we carry it on our hearts...in our memories...it is imprinted upon our souls and is part of us and so is never truly gone or separated. Whatever we LOVE is always with us.
So that being said, this morning I was blessed because I was made humble. I have had some problems with the "Establishment" lately. First I gave up my income stream and became dependent on another person for money, resources, and support. Next my Bank, Admirals, downsized and created confusion and disorder and chaos for me when they decided to revise their Debit card logos and so re-issued cards a year or so prior to the expiration...what should or could have been a slight inconvenience but during a period of other changes became a massive burden for me. I was frustrated and aggravated and I felt more vulnerable because of the mounting pressures. Next I could not and still have not found a way to cash my Savings Bonds because apparently the banking industry has restrictions of many sorts about using their bank when you are not a customer...all the while, the bank I AM a customer of does NOT cash bonds. How does any bank NOT cash a bond? Hmmm....all I can say is that money is an unstable resource. I have food, shelter, companionship, electricity, transportation and friendship. I think cash is becoming obsolete. That being said, Let's talk about Bank of America.
My friend recently set up an account to help raise charitable funds and her account is with Bank of America. I went to donate money that my daughter raised and the bank refused to take my money and put it in her account because I could not give them the account number. I was miffed! I made a scene in front of the bank manager and left in disgust at their policies. Banks are Institutions of chaos and cogs in a machine that is quickly breaking down. But the Machine was not the reason I was there at all, was it? I was there to help my friend...a person. So let's see how PEOPLE factored in here. Here is How the people involved are what matters most:
First, I have this wonderful group of friends who have learned to depend on one another and really share our feelings and experiences and sadnesses and successes. My Circle is very wide but my Inner Circle, I call them The Flowers, and they are all women. Anyway, One Flower needed assistance so the suggestion was made to create the account...which they did...and some money was raised. On my side of things, I had given up my income stream, as you remember and have been struggling with no cash flow. So I did the only thing I could do...I brought it to my Source one day in meditation and I asked for the means to help...even if I could only come up with $5, it would have meant a lot to me to be a part of helping others in this way. So that same day...within just a few hours, my daughter had gone out Bike-Riding with her friend Nicolas, and they had for some reason taped a paper reading: CHARITY DANCE , on her bike and people in the neighborhood asked her to perform her Charity Dance for them. I guess, unbeknownst to me, she had planned to create a Dance and invite people to see it all at once but most of our neighbors find her charming and they didn't want to commit to a date so they offerred her money for just performing the dance on the spot...which she happily obliged.
So that afternoon...hours after I asked my Source for the means, and only DAYS after a parental lecture about Annika telling me the truth no matter what, I notice my daughter is having trouble sleeping...and the next day...and the next day. So I ask her, "Annika, what is bothering you?" She tells me that she needs to talk and then pulls out this wad of money. She says, "Mommy, people gave me this money for charity but I don't know which Charity needs it and I didn't want to tell you because I thought you would be mad at me for taking people's money." She went on to tell me that she didn't plan on keeping it but she needed my help to find the right "cause" or Charity to donate it to. I sat on the edge of her bed and cried. And then I laughed and thanked her and hugged her. I told her exactly who needed it and why and she was overjoyed. See? There are NO ACCIDENTS. So everything is attached to a Lesson or a greater purpose. In order to identify what it is, we MUST collaborate with our fellow man.
So today I went back to the bank..where I had lost my cool...and I deposited that cash. And I felt proud...not the bad pride but the good kind. As I stood there, the bank teller and her Trainer were chatting and asking me questions which inevitably led me to open up and share my personal story...and I did so with great vulnerability. I explained how I had given up my job and I wanted to help a friend in need and that my daughter made it happen and that I was going to take some time to "Find myself" this summer by travelling and I even shared about the Husband difficulties and everything. I ended that chat by saying, "I don't know why I just told you all of that but perhaps if my sharing my story helps you or someone else, then that is why these things are happening to me". I left happy.
I hope you find some happiness today when you share even just a tiny bit of your truth with someone else.
Lilac
No comments:
Post a Comment